Bitch – Bitch –Bitch
Copyright Vladimir Kagan, March 28, 2012
If you are frustrated… how do you vent your aggravation? - Write a Blog!
I’m back moaning about Apple and the Ghost of Steve Jobs.
Apple is a cash cow. Every year, this bovine invents another operating system (OS) to keep it ahead of the competition. In my lifetime, I have gone through a half dozen felines, from cheetah, puma, jaguar, panther, tiger, leopard, snow leopard and now Lion --- soon to be obsoleted by Super-Lion (they have finally run out of cat’s names). Each year, simplicity gives way to an ever more convoluted system. Lion hits the jackpot. It has rendered my Internet “Me” system obsolete and won’t permit my computer to talk unless I allow the Lion to roar with “Cloud”.
For entertainment purposes, I am sharing the upgrade process with you:
Yours truly standing in line at the Apple Store - please note the maître D' taking names for appointments. (You'll recognize him by the I-pad in his hand)
You cannot appear at an Apple Store without an appointment (unless you are there to make a purchase) I came in with credit card in hand to convert my “me” provider to “Cloud”. This necessitated buying Lion. (It’s not as simple as it sounds!) “What is your ID? What is your password?” (For security purposes, that can no longer be just your name, it must include upper and lower case letters plus at least one number) I unfortunately have a different password for every gadget… it is a labyrinth. In no time, I exhausted my window of opportunity and Apple in the Cloud shut me out for twenty-four hours. The next visit must be made through an appointment. A polite young man in an Apple T-shirt and an I-Pad in hand set me up with my next rendezvous… Next day I was unfortunately 15 minutes late and lost my allotted slot. Like a naughty schoolboy, I had to stand in the corner until a new schedule could be arranged – Mercifully, the gurus at the Genius Bar took pity and listened to my woes. We can install your Lion but it will take an hour and a half! (OK Starbucks here I come). When I returned, eager to take my Lion home, “it needs only a few minutes more to complete”. Three hours later I escorted my Lion home - I was assured nothing would change…henceforth things would only be better.
I arrive at home and guess what? Things DID change – Not for the better! The new system only convoluted the old user-friendly programs with frustrating subtleties that left me high in a Cloud trying to figure out what has changed. Naturally, this necessitated another appointment. The process is simple: “go on line, type in the name of the store plus some other codes and you will be connected for your next appointment,” Not so fast… I managed to hit the “Tilt” button three times in a row and could not get through. Thankfully, I had the store’s phone number… but you can’t just talk to a human being… you must answer a disembodied inquisitor’s questions to get you to the right source…. For one hour I followed instruction to no avail. Finally on the fourth try, I got an appointment for a “One-on-One” consultation. This was duly confirmed by Email… but it read: Genius Bar. To clarify this error, I repeated the phone process and managed to talk with a sweet voice who assured me that it was OK - One-on-One is arranged through the Geniuses. (The first appointment available was Sunday, diabolically planned to screw up my weekend.) Of course, the Genius Bar was not the correct place for a tutorial, but a Geniuses graciously offered to help within the 15 minutes allotted to the appointment.
The long and short was a lesson in how to develop patience beyond what you ever thought you could ever muster: One-on-One is only available with the purchase of a new computer (did I tell you Mr. Jobs was smart?) My contract had run out last year after three months of not using it!
….I am now at home, back to base one, trying to work myself through my ‘improved” Lion program… that my friends is why I am boring you with this Blog!